An Abstract Mix

Summer part2

2008-05-22T15:25:00.000-07:00

We hopped in Tim's car with no real destination in mind

He drives stick and follows no rules, it's always a good time

We took the traffic circle 10 times

Yelled out the windows because we could

Floored it down signal hill and barely stopped in time

Hit the seats and the steering wheel until a dope beat was made

Every day of Summer could be like today

Summer part1

2008-05-22T15:22:00.000-07:00

Sweet sounds rush my ear

An ocean breeze, the air is clear

Got my guitar and my friends are near

You know whats up, Summer is here

Turn off the tube, which i didnt watch anyway

Shut off the games, you can do that any day

The sun is hot and its the middle of May

Summer's here and its here to stay

San Francisco Poem

2008-03-17T17:10:00.000-07:00

Heres my poem from the city walk during San Francisco Outreach.

The City, this City.
Not owned by corporations or corporate logos
But by the people
These People
They look at us not like we don't fit in
but because we don't fit in
The Colors, these Colors.
They coat the walls and help heal a tired city.
Expression.
The walls, these walls.
They give the next generation a chance
The streets, these streets.
It feels like some of these looks could kill
Some are threatening, others are broken
The winds in this city don't bring change
they only bring more moments of no emotion
But their minds are so open, and sometimes my eyes are so closed
God, my God.
I subtly see you here in the city.
Keep being the city's undertone,
Be our life's undertone.

2008-03-15T15:02:00.000-07:00

Remembered some quotes from once homeless people that I talked to.

"You know David, you have to think of Satan like a Boxer. Satan always fights hardest when he's losing." - Matt, from the healing home.

"It's not that the herb or pot itself is so bad. You have a lot of fun doing it. But when your high, you do nothing. Nothing gets done, no progression is made. Your wasting precious time that God has given us to talk to people and reach souls. This can happen from almost anything, just try to look at what things you might be doing that don't make any progression for life or for good and ask yourself if thats a drug or an addiction for you." -Ron Coolidge, from the healing home.

Processing SFO part 1

2008-03-15T13:24:00.000-07:00

If community is to work, a mission is needed. A common goal and purpose is needed to drive a community. This week I experienced that. I experienced pure, functioning and inspiring community. These people weren't my friends when I went into the week, but coming out of it I have gained 17 new life long best friends.

More will writing will come from this week.
Some verses to remember for myself:

An honest answer
is like a kiss on the lips. prov 24:26

A little sleep, a little slumber,
a little folding of the hands to rest-
and poverty will come on you like a bandit
and scarcity like an armed man. prov 24:33-34

Humming Bird

2007-10-28T18:25:00.000-07:00

There’s a humming bird outside of my window
Beautiful, sitting there, he’s so close just whisper hello
Wings beating, it’s all just a blur
Now someone tell me, how often does this occur?

Learn to control our speed and watch it affect our lives
Slow down our minds to see each wing beat with our eyes
TO notice the details to make our lives complete
Everyday now is a rush like a bird flying by

The colors of the trees bleed into my brain
I can see every leaf, every flower, every vein
This air so sweet, like it’s made for me
What you say goes deep; your words cling to me

There are things waiting, waiting to be seen
So much to do, this grass is so green
It goes by fast, to miss might be a sin
Slow your wings long enough to breath and take it in

Why can’t I see things right in front of me
Rewind it back to take the opportunity
I missed it this time but now I think I’ve learned
To stop and wait, wait for the hummingbird

Your Crowd

2007-05-29T17:54:00.001-07:00

Still gotta think of a bridge. I just realized that your post called "stupid people" didnt get processed or anything,

Verse1:

Hey hey you over there
I’m starting to see something’s wrong here
You’ve become one of them
The ones that don’t care

You don’t think
Think about the future
With your stack of masks
Should I laugh as you crumble?

PreCh1:

Oh the holes you’re digging now
Will bury you later on
And just know
This coffin has only room for one

Chorus:

Oh People
You try to shape me
You want to make me
But I can't let that happen

Don't talk like you're different
You're all the same
Bringing me down, you and your crowd
There's no fame in this game

I make enough mistakes on my own

Verse 2:

What do you expect us to do, we will not remember you
After all you put us through
You had it once
Then with one step, yeah, you lost it all
Open up wide, your eyes, and take it in

How can you not remember?
You’re not your true self
With your morals dropping like stones
You’ll soon realize your crowd has made you

PreCh2:

Just please wake up
I don’t mean to be so harsh
When is the line drawn?
And where is the point where you don’t come back?

Chorus 2:

Take that step
I know it’s hard
Realize it now and maybe it won’t be so bad
It’s tough for everyone
Really give it all a chance
Once you get moving it gets a lot easier

2007-05-24T20:43:00.000-07:00

A good day off. Not to boring but not to busy either. Its funny because good days like this make me not want to go to work even more. But if my day was terrible ( which wouldnt be good either ) i wouldnt mind going to work at all. Hmm
Time to empty out my one liners from my text message drafts that i've saved again. Random lines about love, trying to listen to God, or just situations that make me think.

1. Turn it up
Just turn turn it up
The headphones on
It hurts my ears but its worth it

2. We don't know where we're going, and that's why this is fun

3. I saw a bush
and I thought it was a bear
standing there
waiting to scare me

4. Cars come to a stop on the 405
Tired from work and break lights my eyes
We travel to our homes, the sky is clear
Faces in windows, lets just fall asleep here

5. Like little bits of mores code coming across the line.

6. When I think of love, I think of you

Friends1

2007-05-17T23:44:00.000-07:00

This is one of those days that makes life worth living
A day that can change your life
The weather was great but the friends were better
And im glad this day turned into the night

24 miles to the gallon going 60 down the streets
Music blasting loud, bodies dancing to the beat
This is how to have fun, we're just facin the facts
We wont think about the morning, lets not think about that

Nows not the time for future, its time for fun
Everyone one's enjoying, im not the only one
Please turn this music up and lets all sing together
Windows up or down, it really doesnt matter

gave blood

2007-04-17T11:33:00.000-07:00

In a back room about to give my blood
Rushing thoughts and liquid
Who will this help? Will this save?
The floor is wood and this room is uninviting
After today maybe the fear will be gone
Machines sucking life from the arms of volunteers
Life stored in bins stacked upon each other
My name is called and another breath escapes my lungs
Tall tan walls with metal lining. Survey done, now just waiting
To grasp the rubber in my fist.
If she could do this I should at least try
Cardboard boxes and cell phones in their hands
Life in our arms, blood from our veins
Tube goes out, down, and to the bag
The red runs around and i feel warmth on my skin
Almost didnt make it but its all done now
Towel on my head as the needle comes out

2007-04-16T13:14:00.000-07:00

It just took one night
One night and you had my heart
Boy that was fast
Am i the only one giving in so quickly?
I thought you felt the same way but I guess I was mistaken
Your so nice, and so pretty
So why the cold shoulder?
But i am concluding this to fast
Give it time, relax

Crowds1

2007-03-16T23:54:00.000-07:00

Oh People
You try to shape me
You want to make me
But I can't let that happen

The holes you're digging now will bury you later on
And your coffin has only room for one
Im not going to get dragged down with you
I make enough mistakes on my own

Dont talk like your different
You're all the same
Brining me down, you and your crowd
There's no fame in this game

2007-02-26T14:29:00.000-08:00

Really thought, i dont know whats going on. Another day stuck in school and not doing as could as i could be doing. Routines, habits, and laziness all rolled into one person. Today and many previous ones have just been uninspired and going through the motions.

Wish i knew what was on my mind
I would like to move forward, but still look behind
One day soon I will be free
Free of all the thoughts, that keep me from what I should be

Walls

2007-01-02T23:32:00.000-08:00

The walls are coming up around me. Walls, walls, walls...
I knew where I was going. But then I got lost.
I find myself at two roads. And the more that I notice,these roads happen to cross.
Confusion and choices fill my head.
And I sit again.

So now what do I do, where do I go?
I try looking up, but am falling below.
Help me to see what to do next.
I should look to you, in you i should trust.

Polaroid

2006-12-28T14:50:00.000-08:00

I want to view my life in vintage. Old colors running and tripping over each other. Life can be like a Polaroid. You hold it and shake it and still nothing happens. As time goes on the colors and forms become more clear. You hold in your hand the white bordered beauty, the beauty that will become your future.

Just keep staring, keep waiting. It’s happening and unfolding before your eyes.
The image sharpens and another step before you appears. Move, go with it, take it. Force your feet to follow the path that is coming into focus with your brand new eyes. Feel the warmth of the photo in your body.

The picture is complete and now you can look back on it. No longer is it a process but a product. It is history now, and you smile because you waited. You didn’t smear with your fingers or cut the time early. Now grab your device and go find the next opportunity to take a picture.

island2

2006-12-28T12:29:00.000-08:00

Where did all the excitement go? Do you ever just want to get away? To leave in a jet plane or run across the ocean to some island in the middle of nothing. We speed through our lives at 90 miles per hour. Yet sometimes you don't even notice. If the windows are up and the music is off it could feel like we're motionless. I want to sail, sail away to an island. Let paradise refresh your soul and gain some contrast in this grey life. Oh just to lay in the sand in the sun on that island, and let everything else drift away.

Just go, to some far off place, where no one knows your name. I want to start from scratch and learn it all again.

Island1

2006-12-27T21:21:00.000-08:00

Ooooh, the ship is leaving. I don't know when but it feels soon. The wind will take you to the island, the place to get away. What's on your island? Will it have a beach or be filled with snow? It's yours, and you can do with it what you want.

The sails are open, and I smell the sea's air. We have the music loud on our ship, and I can tell fire is already waiting to warm us.
What do you want? To soak in the sun? Wealth? Or just some change?

You see your paradise there in the distance. And more water splashes on your face.
What do you see on your island? Just leave your city, without a trace.

My bags are already packed, should I bring you too? No worries and the cares are few.
Come, come to the island with me. The trip is short and the ride is free.

Snow, Christmas

2006-12-27T19:51:00.000-08:00

What are these things falling around me? Are they pieces of snow or just my friends collapsing? Should I fight for you, in the wind and the cold? Or should I sit here looking out our window gazing at the snow? Why do you do the things you do? Your racing towards your destruction with a smile on your face.

Yet the room is dark and I sit here alone. Who do I imagine being at my side? Oh the dim lights barely light these keys, and I sit here with my screen. I want to help you, just grab my hand. But I think again, am I strong enough to pull it up? Not by myself, not by myself.

The packed ice hits the window, I hear them calling me. What will have an effect? I pull the headphones over my ears. Is this for my life or theirs? The relaxation sets in again and my legs can't move. Do you hear me? Another struggle between my problems and theirs, the same conflict in the same place in the same head.

When you fall you do you look to? Should I laugh as your excuse for a foundation crumbles? Just come on a ride with me and let me show you what its like. Really give it all a chance.
Ride through the white flakes falling and stop faking that smile. Spread your arms, let me see you happy. Open up wide your eyes and take it in. Find the song you lost, the reason you gave up, the one who you are missing.

2006-09-11T17:37:00.000-07:00

What to write about today. I wanted to get my writing skills going so I can flow better when I try to work on some lyrics today. Today was normal, but there's a part of everyday that really sticks out or stays with me until I sleep. It's so hard to force yourself to backup and look at the bigger picture. So many things in life are at conflict and the balance is so difficult to find. I want to back up, chill, and look at my life from as far away off as I can. Where am I headed? What have I gone through so far? But then in life, you must look at all the details of things to appreciate it more. Details can be a good and bad thing. It's so easy to get caught up in just waking up. Waking up, and doing everything just like you did 7 days ago. And then I try to do things different or break up my day, but then I remember I have responsibilities to take care of. Its such a weird thing.
I turned 20 a couple days ago. I was a different birthday that's for sure. Most people didn't know, but that's partly because of my personality. I don't really like telling everyone "Hey! Its my birthday soon!" and all that. If they know, they know. Its just weird that every year you get older when your me, and you don't tell people, the less people know. Of course a lot of the day time was spent relaxing, and thinking about everything that was happening a year ago. Forever I'll know that when I turn a year older, so does my ex. After I got over thinking about that, I had a great time out getting sushi with friends and hanging out afterwards. It barely turned out to a good day. Well, nothing to deep today. I have thoughts but not feelin like writing them down.

2006-08-30T17:59:00.000-07:00

Sometimes I feel like a superhero, and other times like a bum.

Wednesday's are busy for me but good. Today classes were normal and stuff was just kind of moving by itself today. My body and mind were on autopilot until my break in between classes. Today I had a long talk with a good friend and it was very good and bad at the same time. I'm so glad that he cares enough to talk about it and make sure I'm doing ok, and that he wants me to succeed. Some heavy stuff was talked about, and it just means more things I have to think about and consider. I feel sometimes like I'm trying to help or save people/situations, yet I have to do it in secret, and carry all the burdens of having that responsibility. I know I don't have to help, but something inside me pushes me to fix things, and to care. Superheros have to carry burdens, secrets, identities, and information that can totally change a situation, and act on it. This whole thing is really a big mind twister and really makes me think. I sit back and think about what's going on deep under the surface of things and it scares me and makes me angry. So many people think about Christianity as a goal, and they think that once they reach a certain point that they have to do less work or just coast along. Even for myself, everyday I realize when I mess up that being a Christian is a constant effort, and when you stop working at it, that's when you start to slip up the most. Part of me feels like I have so much pressure and weight on me, concerning things with the band, my own relationships or lack there of, and my faith. And the other part of me feels like a bum. I have so much stuff going on, and at the same time I really don't. I only have 3 classes, I have no job yet, and outside of that I don't really work towards anything. It's such a weird paradox. Like I may have talent at certain things, but I feel like I'm very mediocre or sub par at many skills, and not very good or effective on the few. Well just some thoughts from today. I'm thankful for friends who take the time to talk and listen to me, for free time, and for taco bell.

2006-08-21T13:48:00.000-07:00

" I don't know where to start
Say i'm tired or throw a party
These cucumber eyes are lying the more that i smile about it
And all of my clothes feel like somebody's old throwaways
I don't like it

It's good to be in love
It really does suit you
Just like everything
I'm happy your in love
'Cause every color goes where you do

I'm adoring you
It's all good
You're so beautiful
I'm black and blue all over
You're breaking my flow
How could you know what i'm saying about it
When all of my clothes feel like somebody's old throwaways

I feel so powerless
I've got to stop it somehow
Oh come on what can i do?
Why's it happening
How's it happening without me
Why's it happening"

Imogen Heap
Frou Frou
album "details"

2006-08-19T23:18:00.000-07:00

"Some things are just akward, and some things are not."

Just some thought that has been floating around in my head for the past couple days. It sounded like a cool CD name or something. It's like, for certain people, some situations are just going to be akward. And for others, there won't be a problem at all. People's personalities are built for certain things it seems like. Some people are really good at talking on the phone with people they don't know, or with strangers. Some people are amazing at specific things but don't show it at all. For me, calling someone back that I know for a second time after the first call didn't do anything is very akward. But other people can call multiple times in a few hours and not think anything about it. It really applies to so many other things too. About love and relationships and how people communicate with others. About life and all the types of situations it throws at us.

Got back tonight from a week with my family in Palm Springs. It was really just a nice week of family time, relaxing, and lounging around. It's funny because before school started this week, I was kind of doing that anyways. That's another story though. My family is weird, but so cool. I feel super blessed to be a part of such a great family.

Other thoughts in my head today. Want to start writing more songs with Jeff and getting back into our side project. Or main project now, whatever you want to call it. I want to play places and jam. I want to have more songs and be out on the road sometimes. Meeting new people and seeing if they'll enjoy our music.
Also, it's been so long already, but I really wish i could go a day or two without having a thought about her.

2006-08-12T23:55:00.000-07:00

So today I felt like making a blog. I just wanted a place to write everyday or as often as possible just so I can keep myself writing and getting my thoughts out. I think if i blog, more of these ideas/thoughts will get out of my head and I can have room for even more. Even if no one reads it or comments, it will just be good for me to get stuff out.

Well I'm ending today looking back, and reflecting, on how well the day went. I got invited by Bruce to go up to Hanford and do a live painting for their church service in the morning. Jeff went up with with me which worked out to be awesome. We got to catch up on the ride up, which of course is always good. We stay pretty busy but everytime we get together we pick up right where we left off. I have to remind myself somtimes that thought sometimes we dont hang much or get distant at times, we always resolve stuff and have a connection that can get past all that stuff.

We got here and ate some Jacks, and then got to spend time with Bruce, Rhonda, and the family. Bruce, like always, gets right to the heart of things and we all sat down for some nice talking. We talked about the band and whats going on or not going on with it, about how we're doing spirtually, and other things that are just good to talk about. His insite is always so valuable. It made me start thinking about what God might be doing with our band, or what he wants to do with the situation at hand. Bruce made a good point that no matter what happends, with the band, in the end we'll have an awesome testimony because of it. He reminded Jeff and I to really ask God what he wants to do with us in the band, and with us as a group. I end tonight just hanging out with Jeff, relaxin, playin some computer games, and thinking about myself painting tomorrow. I also think about the band and if this situation will ever get better. Unless somethings huge happends with each of us concerning our relationship with God, this things going to slowly end. Unless there is an eye opening experience with the whole band, it wont be long until we're done.

Thats it for tonight, time for some games and sleep.