Sometimes I feel like a superhero, and other times like a bum.
Wednesday's are busy for me but good. Today classes were normal and stuff was just kind of moving by itself today. My body and mind were on autopilot until my break in between classes. Today I had a long talk with a good friend and it was very good and bad at the same time. I'm so glad that he cares enough to talk about it and make sure I'm doing ok, and that he wants me to succeed. Some heavy stuff was talked about, and it just means more things I have to think about and consider. I feel sometimes like I'm trying to help or save people/situations, yet I have to do it in secret, and carry all the burdens of having that responsibility. I know I don't have to help, but something inside me pushes me to fix things, and to care. Superheros have to carry burdens, secrets, identities, and information that can totally change a situation, and act on it. This whole thing is really a big mind twister and really makes me think. I sit back and think about what's going on deep under the surface of things and it scares me and makes me angry. So many people think about Christianity as a goal, and they think that once they reach a certain point that they have to do less work or just coast along. Even for myself, everyday I realize when I mess up that being a Christian is a constant effort, and when you stop working at it, that's when you start to slip up the most. Part of me feels like I have so much pressure and weight on me, concerning things with the band, my own relationships or lack there of, and my faith. And the other part of me feels like a bum. I have so much stuff going on, and at the same time I really don't. I only have 3 classes, I have no job yet, and outside of that I don't really work towards anything. It's such a weird paradox. Like I may have talent at certain things, but I feel like I'm very mediocre or sub par at many skills, and not very good or effective on the few. Well just some thoughts from today. I'm thankful for friends who take the time to talk and listen to me, for free time, and for taco bell.
Wednesday's are busy for me but good. Today classes were normal and stuff was just kind of moving by itself today. My body and mind were on autopilot until my break in between classes. Today I had a long talk with a good friend and it was very good and bad at the same time. I'm so glad that he cares enough to talk about it and make sure I'm doing ok, and that he wants me to succeed. Some heavy stuff was talked about, and it just means more things I have to think about and consider. I feel sometimes like I'm trying to help or save people/situations, yet I have to do it in secret, and carry all the burdens of having that responsibility. I know I don't have to help, but something inside me pushes me to fix things, and to care. Superheros have to carry burdens, secrets, identities, and information that can totally change a situation, and act on it. This whole thing is really a big mind twister and really makes me think. I sit back and think about what's going on deep under the surface of things and it scares me and makes me angry. So many people think about Christianity as a goal, and they think that once they reach a certain point that they have to do less work or just coast along. Even for myself, everyday I realize when I mess up that being a Christian is a constant effort, and when you stop working at it, that's when you start to slip up the most. Part of me feels like I have so much pressure and weight on me, concerning things with the band, my own relationships or lack there of, and my faith. And the other part of me feels like a bum. I have so much stuff going on, and at the same time I really don't. I only have 3 classes, I have no job yet, and outside of that I don't really work towards anything. It's such a weird paradox. Like I may have talent at certain things, but I feel like I'm very mediocre or sub par at many skills, and not very good or effective on the few. Well just some thoughts from today. I'm thankful for friends who take the time to talk and listen to me, for free time, and for taco bell.
posted by David Garvin at 5:59 PM
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